Yep. I got one. And she's a bitch. She really is. She's judgmental, she's moody, she says horrible things to me, and she always has something negative to say. When someone says I look good the mean girl says, "No you don't. Your thighs are still too big." When I KILLED myself on the 12 day challenge she smirked and said, "But you didn't lose a single pound. Of anything. AND your neck got bigger." When I have posted something heartfelt and someone either ignores it or makes fun of me she's right there, "I told you you shouldn't have dared to share your feelings."
Why do I keep her around? She's wretched. In fact I would never be friends with her. Even as I say that I hear her reminding me that lots of people don't want to be friends with me either.She's mean. And she's constantly there.
So my New Years Resolution for 2014 is to drop this bitch. GONE. They say that your goals should be measurable and specific. And well, clearly this is not. But this is a battle I have not yet won. And I know that I need to win it. I know if I am ever to find peace with who I am and love myself I have to consciously change my inner dialogue. I don't know how to make this a measurable goal. But I know it's my goal.
She is not allowed to tell me I am fat. She is not allowed to tell me if I am unlovable or worse unlikeable. She is not allowed to criticize me in pictures. She is not allowed to roll my eyes at a compliment. She is not allowed to bring me down. Not anymore.
And while I'm at it I'm also done with anyone else's mean girl (or boy). I will post whatever I want and need to post. If you think I'm over sharing unfriend me. If you don't care enough to read my blog or my posts then I am better off without you. If you think I'm bragging about going to the gym instead of holding myself accountable or reaching out for support then peace out. I don't need anyone who can't love me enough to support me. Whether on facebook or in life.
2014 will be the year I learn how to love myself. Really love myself.
I have an inner mean girl too. When she comes around I say, "Oh I remember you. You bitch. Go away." Then I absolutely force myself to think of something else. I have go to memories and thoughts stored up that I use.
ReplyDeleteIt's ridiculous. It was pointed out to me by my friend the other day. She said I looked fantastic and I smirked and she said, "Why do you always do that?" And I've been thinking about it ever since. WHY DO I DO THAT?
ReplyDeleteOh, I want send my mean girl over to you so you can kick her ass, too! Go Karen!!!
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