Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Wednesday Weigh In Abuse.

I first want to say thank you to anyone following my blog, offering support or insight as I make my way on this journey.  I'm sure I sound self indulgent to some, whiny to others, and repetitive to most.  I get it.  This has been a rough road for me, full of challenges.  Some of those challenges I have met with success, and some I am still struggling to meet.  Emotionally I still stumble and fall more often then not.  So thank you for hanging in there with me and not judging me. And if you are judging me....well I think you can imagine what my response to you would be.


This is a big deal for me.  I skipped my Wednesday weigh in last week and I'm skipping it today.  I had a moment of clarity while working out with my friend Andrea (Mike's wife).  I cannot participate in any weight loss challenge and I cannot get on the scale more then once a month for just a check in.  It's abusive.  It is.  And I continue to do it.  And I know you have heard this from me before.  But apparently this self love thing is very hard for me to do.  I don't really know why.  I realize that from time to time Mike will need to check on progress in some fashion, but I don't need to know the numbers anymore.  Even if they are positive. My goals need to stay oriented around fitness and performance.  Not weight loss.   Hopefully that will be a benefit of any success I have with my fitness achievements,  but I have to change my goal....even though I haven't met my original weight loss goal.  (I am 15 pounds away from where I want to be and have been for about 2 years now.  That's one hell of a plateau by the way.) The difference of how I felt emotionally at the end of the weight loss challenge, verses how I felt at the end of the training session where I had to try to finish in a certain amount of time (and did by the way!) is staggering. And telling. 

So I don't know what the scale says today.  Today it doesn't matter. Today I am going to get some very light walking in and then curl up on the couch with some tea and nurse my sore throat. 

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