Tuesday, April 17, 2012


I had my heart rate test this morning at the gym.  I was super anxious about it and mostly afraid that I wouldn't be able to run as long or as hard as the test required.  Bob laughed at me and called me crazy for competing with...myself.  My neighbor pointed out that I am in better shape then I give myself credit for.  But there is still the little voice in the back of my head that tries to tell me I'm not good enough. I'm getting better about pushing past her, but the thought still pops up.

The test itself was not hard.  You have to run at increasing speed and increasing incline on the treadmill while this machine tracks your heart rate and your oxygen intake.  That wasn't the hard part believe it or not.  The hard part for me was that you have to wear this mask that is hooked up to the machine.  It was horrible.  I just wanted to rip the damn thing off the entire time.  I tried very hard to just focus on my breathing, which is not a strength of mine anyway...I tend to huff and puff.  The other hard part was that you can't eat before the test.  So by the time I got there, at 10am, I was shaky I was so hungry.  Thank God the uber expensive hoity toity gym we now go to has a cafe on site!

I still haven't sat down with Mike yet to really go over the results, just had a quick review with the guy who did the testing with me.  In a nutshell, I think, the test shows that my body burns fat pretty effectively, but not carbohydrates.  And that I burn the most fat in zones 2 and 3, which is basically a heart rate between 175-185. This is good information to know.  I was also told to up my protein and healthy fat.  I will get to go over it at my training session Thursday a bit more so I may need to correct my initial understanding. The particularly exciting news is that he told me I am in pretty good shape. (Thank you Mike) and that I am on the higher end of performance and oxygen intake compared to other people who work out! YES! See Bob, I WAS competing against someone else!!

I know that making more adjustments means I am continuing to meet my goals.  I have to continuously adjust my behavior and thinking based on what level I am at.  It's not enough to just count calories in vs. out.  I really need to figure out how my body processes food and how I need to be training.  It's very interesting, a bit frustrating (I have never been particularly good with change), but a good challenge.  There is no stopping me.  I am close to meeting my initial weight loss goal and am actually excited to hit it so I can set a new goal.

I no longer feel like I just 'was an athlete'. I feel like I have found that part of myself again.

I AM an athlete. 

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Living the Dream

I am getting to a point in my weight loss that I LOVE shopping again.  This is a blessing and a curse.  For so long now I have had one pair of jeans...because they are the only ones that fit.  And five of the same t-shirts...in different colors.  One dress that hid my tummy a little bit more.  I used to look for clothes that had to have a certain amount of stretch in them so they fit better.  I wore lots of baggy sweatshirts.  I wore my hair straight more often because I thought my face looked thinner.  Freaked out if anything got put into the dryer for fear of it shrinking.  All these little tricks that I thought hid my body.  Who was I fooling besides myself?

Things are changing.  I just got a package in the mail from some gift cards I received.  A dress that was a size medium, a pair of Calvin Klein jean shorts, and another pair of bemuda shorts. I bought these all on line.  The dress looks amazing.  The Calvin Klein's fit!!! (I have always wanted Calvin Kleins but they are not made with a lot of stretch.) And the Bemuda shorts were HUGE on me.

I did a happy dance. Ok, I did a few happy dances.  I can buy something sight unseen and it fits. I don't cry when I try on jeans anymore.  Sure some of them still aren't the right style for me.  And sure I'm a size up or a size down depending on the brand.  But I'm not quietly ashamed of myself. 

I needed a boost. Been feeling crappy because I can't train hard with my muscle pull (it is getting a little better) have had an ongoing headache all week, and Easter candy kicked the shit out of me.  So the package from Macy's came at the perfect time!!

I could get into this.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Pulled Muscle

I have pulled a muscle in my upper leg.  And it hurts. I am on a steady diet of advil, stretching, and icing and it doesn't really ever feel better! I am trying not to panic, but I'm totally panicking.  I have taken two days off in a row for two weeks and it doesn't seem to help.  Summer is almost here and I can't afford to take a chunk of time off. Can I? Can I not?