Thursday, July 10, 2014

Support 101

What to say to someone who hasn't made a weight loss goal or fitness goal can be tricky.  Because I think, for the most part, people have the best of intentions.  But it usually comes in the form of minimization.  "But you look great!"  "The scale doesn't tell you everything!"  "I wish you could see what we all see!"  These are all well meaning statements.  I recognize that.  But they do in fact minimize the feelings you are having if you haven't reached a goal you want to reach. 

Everyone pretty much knows my history with bulimia, and therefore my propensity to obssiveness/control when it comes to this journey.  It's comforting for me to know that people know my history.  It keeps my accountable on some levels....because anyone who is dealing/recovering with any type of addiction knows that the secretiveness of it is the dangerous aspect.  When I stop vocalizing that my tummy feels uncomfortable after eating a bit too much, I'm hiding.  But it freaks people out a bit.  And I get that too.  It's my job to deal with my disorder though, not yours.  Trust me when I say that I'm on top of it.  That I'm ok.  I still have weight loss/fitness goals though.  It's not obsessive or unhealthy for me to have those.  Or to be a bit upset when I don't hit them.   

People get frustrated if I get frustrated by what they see as a supportive response to me not meeting a goal.  It's my goal.  I wanted to meet it.  Isn't is frustrating for you when you don't meet a goal?  We all fall into it.  I'm so guilty of saying all of these type of things.  But what I really need to hear if I have reached out to you about it, is that it must suck to work so hard for something and not get it.  Please don't reframe what you think I should be getting.  Please don't judge whether you think it's a reasonable goal.  Please don't worry I am falling into unhealthy patterns.  Just listen.  And ackowledge.  Validate. 

It sucks to work really hard at something and not make a goal you set for yourself.  It's ok that it sucks.  It's not the end of the world.  It's just a sucky moment in it. 

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