Big Girl Panties

I have been putting off this post.  Mostly because I was hoping things would somehow work out.  But I don't think that I can deny it anymore.  And it isn't healthy for me to hold in negative feelings.

I don't think this spin thing is going to happen.  At least not how I thought it would.  Or where it would.  Or when it would.  And I'm really really bummed about it.

There.  I said it.  While I did get some good training in, and I have repeatedly been told that I will be hired, it has been one thing after the other and chances just don't look good.  I haven't been told that I won't be hired, but I'm starting to feel led on.  And a bit resentful.  And again, these are not good things for me to feel.  So I think I have to let this go.  Not my dream.  I still want to instruct; but I have to put on my big girl panties and figure out a different route.  I have put in a few resumes at other gyms, but so far no leads.  I have no reason to believe it's anything I did.  I got really positive feedback from her.  But I have been told since Thanksgiving that the gig is mine and yet still nothing.

So yeah, I'm a bit upset about it.  And a bit embarrassed to have to tell people when they ask.  But it is what it is.  Everything happens for a reason.  I wanted to be trained and have had some job experience so I would have a better shot of finding a spin instructor gig in Bend since I won't have any sort of network in the fitness world out there.  But if I have proven anything to myself it's that I am a bit of a fighter.  This isn't over.

I will find where I belong.