Inspire Me!

I post a lot about exercising on Facebook.  For a multitude of reasons.  Sometimes I post to keep myself accountable.  Sometimes I post because it's just a passion of mine.  Sometimes I post to possibly be a motivator to someone else.  I know there have been numerous occasions where I was slipping into poorer eating habits, and then a friend posted about her clean food meal she made and it reminds me to make a healthier choice the next meal.  Sometimes I really don't feel like going to the gym, and a friend posts about her work out and it pushes me out the door.  We all inspire and affect one another, whether we like to admit it or not.

My brother in law is in the hospital.  His appendix burst and there has been quite a lot of infection issues following his initial surgery. And it's scary.  We love him and my sister and her family would forever be changed if they lost him.  Last year my sister was misdiagnosed and told she had metastasized cancer and we thought we could lose her.  These have been gut wrenching reality checks.  We only get a little bit of time.  It feels like nothing will ever happen to us or our loved ones and we often take each other for granted.  Until tragedy strikes and you are quickly reminded that life is fleeting.  So I am going to do everything I can to keep myself as healthy as I can.  There are so many things completely out of my control.  But I can control the things I can control.  I can put in mostly good healthy nourishing food into my body.  And I can exercise so that my body and my heart are strong.  And I can self reflect on my own behavior so that I can have meaningful relationships with the people that I love the most.

I'm gonna keep posting.  I know there are people that are irritated by it.  And what I have learned in my own journey is that when I am confident in my own choices, I'm not threatened by anyone else's.  If my posting about exercising annoys you, then honestly I think that it says way more about you then it actually says about me.  I'm gonna do me.  And maybe me inspires someone who has had a hard time taking that first step.  Or maybe me pushes someone who has fallen off the wagon to get back on.  Or maybe my post simply connects me to someone else and both of us are a little less alone in our journey.

What motivates you?

Keeping It Real

We went rock climbing with our friends.  This is the second time that we have gone and I have decided I LOVE it.  It's such a challenge.  All you want is to make it to the top and it seems like that should be so easy.  But it isn't.  It takes some determination, some risks, some strength...  ok, a lot of strength.  The first time we went I made it about half way up on most of my attempts.  But I would inevitably get to the spot where I could not figure out where to go and my arms would just give out.  I wasn't anywhere near strong enough to hold on long enough to figure out a plan.

This time, however, I was stronger.  Significantly stronger.  I made it to the top on 3 climbs!! And on several others I got very close.  I left feeling so empowered.  There was a marked increase in not only my strength, but my confidence.  I was going to get to the top.  And I did.

But as I was going through the photos I took, I found this.

And I panicked.  I almost deleted it.  I'm not sure why I didn't.  But there was no way in hell I was going to post it, despite my accomplishments I had climbing.  Then a very dear friend who shares some similar issues made me read this post, http://m.runnersworld.com/womens-running/lets-keep-it-real-about-our-bodies?cm_mmc=Facebook-_-RunnersWorld-_-Content-Blog-_-KeepingItReal.  It hit home.  Sometimes you are handed something that you need to read in the moment you need to read it.  This article was that for me.  I hope you take the extra few minutes to read it, it will be well worth your time.  But if you don't, the post is essentially written by a top athlete, a runner.  She is asked to participate in an athletic clothing line fashion show.  She looks amazing on the runway and in the pictures.  But then a week later she has another picture taken of her that is less then flattering.  And she decided to post it.  Because her body is the same body that looked amazing in the runway show.  But it's not perfect.  It will change.  Or she will get caught in an unflattering moment or angle.  She challenged women to post the unflattering pictures of themselves.  Don't hide behind the face selfie shot.  Own who you are.  Flaws and all. 

So I'm posting this.  I'm still cringing at how big my butt and thighs look from this angle (at least I'm hoping this is an angle problem) but I'm proud of how strong my back, shoulders, and arms look.  Because they got me to the top of that wall.  And I will not let a picture take away how good that felt.

Cool right? This was high! And I actually didn't make this one.  I slipped one peg down from the top.  But it was a harder climb (you can't tell but it's at an angle) and I was so proud of how far I made it! 

As you know I am constantly struggling with not only loving myself, but accepting where I am at in my journey.  And while I have gotten much better about having pictures taken of myself, I absolutely NEVER post an unflattering one.  No matter how adorable my children look, or how much fun I am having with a friend;  if I don't look good it's not going on the internet.  But I accept her challenge.  I accept the challenge to keep it real.  I am where I am.  And I am proud of where I am.  And if I am constantly critiquing where I am, I may never get to where I want to be.

Compare and Contrast

I took a boot camp class this morning at the Y.

I was the largest female in the class.  I know, I know.  I shouldn't compare.  But I do.  I will.  I probably always will.  And today I was the largest.

BUT.  I beat my partner in the sprints.  And I lifted more during our chest press.  And I did not have to stop during our squat sets.  I was bad ass.

She was tiny.  But I was fierce.

Some day this will be enough.

Until then I will keep trying to prove (to myself, and anyone else paying attention) that size is just a number. 

And I can kill it.

Big Girl Panties

I have been putting off this post.  Mostly because I was hoping things would somehow work out.  But I don't think that I can deny it anymore.  And it isn't healthy for me to hold in negative feelings.

I don't think this spin thing is going to happen.  At least not how I thought it would.  Or where it would.  Or when it would.  And I'm really really bummed about it.

There.  I said it.  While I did get some good training in, and I have repeatedly been told that I will be hired, it has been one thing after the other and chances just don't look good.  I haven't been told that I won't be hired, but I'm starting to feel led on.  And a bit resentful.  And again, these are not good things for me to feel.  So I think I have to let this go.  Not my dream.  I still want to instruct; but I have to put on my big girl panties and figure out a different route.  I have put in a few resumes at other gyms, but so far no leads.  I have no reason to believe it's anything I did.  I got really positive feedback from her.  But I have been told since Thanksgiving that the gig is mine and yet still nothing.

So yeah, I'm a bit upset about it.  And a bit embarrassed to have to tell people when they ask.  But it is what it is.  Everything happens for a reason.  I wanted to be trained and have had some job experience so I would have a better shot of finding a spin instructor gig in Bend since I won't have any sort of network in the fitness world out there.  But if I have proven anything to myself it's that I am a bit of a fighter.  This isn't over.

I will find where I belong. 

Super Bowl Splurge

I'm gonna be a bit of a buzz kill.

One of the things I dread most about super bowl parties is the absolute crazy amount of food present.  It's the prime setting for over indulging, mindless snacking, and making super poor food choices.  Because let's face it when you think of super bowl food what do you think of?  Beer.  More beer.  Sliders.  Wings.  Chips and dip.  Crap food.  But food that feels "festive."

I am going to a friend's super bowl party today and she is a foodie.  So I am almost certain that whatever food she hosts will be healthy, whole food.  But it's the unknown that frightens me.  How much will there be?  What if other people bring the crap food?  Will I be able to resist temptation or go along with the crowd while hating myself inside?

So this year, I am adapting a game plan of my own.  I have read about these plans but usually just choose the path of least resistance (meaning I bail and avoid the party all together).  But this hasn't always made me the most reliable friend ever.  And I am determined not to let my own demons interfere with the relationships that really matter to me.  So I'm going.  With my game plan.

What is it?  Well, after searching through several other sites addressing this issue I have settled on the picking of 1-2 things that I really really want.  One of them is my guacamole dip I'm bringing with Black Bean and Quinoa Chips from Trader Joes.  So I have put them into my nutrition planning for the day.  I am allowing myself to pick one other thing that's on the table to enjoy.  And I plan on just enjoying those 2 things.  Really enjoying them.   I have also eaten regular all day.  No skipping meals so that I can eat all of my calories in one setting.  I'm not going in hungry.  This is a strategy I have never tried so it will be interesting to see if it makes a difference in controlling my natural impulse...

Which is to eat everything on the table in front of me.

Happy Super bowl peeps! I hope you all make healthy choices.  And if you don't....well....tomorrow's Monday!  And you know what that means....!!!