Self Doubt

 I had a rotten day today.  From start to finish it just was a bad day.  Not the kids.  The kids were great. 

So I went to spin class looking forward to just killing myself and leaving it all there.  Got myself all set up, did some nice slow stretching, and jumped on. 

There was a ripped woman behind me.  She was chatting away with some of the other people.  THen our instructor got there and ripped lady introduced herself.  She's a new spin instructor at the Y.  My heart sank a little bit.  I have been trying to build myself up to ask about training and becoming a spin instructor.  I have been doubting if I am ready for something like that or if I still have more work I need to do for myself first. 

The two thoughts that kept going through my mind were a) I don't look anywhere near as fit as this woman so I was probably jumping the gun on actually becoming an instructor. And b) Even if it were possible I don't think I'll be able to get a working membership to help me pay for the training if they've already hired another instructor.

I don't know. Spent the whole ride full of doubt and upset and confused.  Didn't get what I needed to get out of it.  Worked hard.  Sweat.  Burned lots of calories.  But did not walk out feeling better then when I walked in.  Which was what I really needed tonight.