Full Circle

We're back at the Y for the summer.

I obviously have mixed feelings about this.   But Bob is taking the summer off which means a much much tighter budget to work with and the boys are dying to do all the swimming we did last summer.  Less gas money, closer access, and more physical activity for the boys all pushed me to have to face facts.

But there are no smoothies and no Knox's.

We walked in today and were greeted so warmly.  It was really nice! Everyone still remembered us and welcomed us back.  They asked about the Knox's and were happy to hear they are doing so well.  As I walked up the same stairs I walked up for a year and a half all of the memories came flooding back.  I half expected to see Mike at the desk.  No one was at the desk.

The boys ran in and the same women who worked in the child care room before were so happy to see them again! They felt welcomed and appreciated as well.  I went for the same run I have done with Mike, albeit much easier this time around, for old times sake and laughed remembering all of my stopping places.  I sprinted the same stupid hill Mike made us sprint in bootcamp and did the same set of lunges he so loves torturing us with. Then we went swimming.

I wasn't sure what I would feel walking back in.  I'm not exactly over the moon with this change.  Working with Mike has changed who I am but there is a very very large part of me deathly afraid of being on my own.  I have always done well with a coach.  I have never done well on my own.  I also didn't know if I would feel resentful in any way.  Being able to be at the affordable family friendly Y WITH my trainer and my work out buddy was the best of everything for us.  Ok, for me.  But I didn't feel that way either.  Ok, it was a little weird.  And I know there will be nights it feels incredibly lonely.  But today I felt strong.  I felt determined.  I felt grateful.  Mike did help me.  And I am more thankful then I could possibly express to him.  (Especially since he is still willing to train with me on the side). But ultimately, I am the one who did it.  I found myself in that gym and so it really doesn't matter what gym I am at.  I'm not losing myself ever again.