Sunday, February 19, 2012

A Different Way of Thinking

I have always compared myself to other women when I walk into a room. I know, it's horrible. But I do it. And for a very long time I was always the biggest one. Always. And by a lot. It was humiliating. I dreaded going to nights out with girlfriends because I felt so insecure about how I looked. I have skipped any and all reunion events for the same reason.

But I have come a long way and am frequently not the biggest person in the room. I hold no judgement to those that are. I just understand how it feels. I am proud of myself though. I do not feel as insecure when I walk into a room now.

This morning I tried out a new 90 minute bootcamp class at another Y branch. As soon as I walked into the room, that same dreadful feeling came rushing back to me. I was the biggest woman in the room. These women (and men) looked fit. Fit. Fit. Mike the trainer fit. Nancy the crazy spin lady fit. "Dear Lord what have I gotten myself into?" I thought. I stayed. It was the craziest class I have ever taken. I was a bit in over my head.

But. But there has been a shift. Because I am going back. Before I would have bailed not wanting to be the largest least in shape person there. (as it turns out I was not the least in shape in all areas. I can do squats and lunges well past others..thank you soccer.) This class will push me. I need to be there. I need other people who are in better shape to push me. They are physical reminders of my goals. I don't just want to get skinny. I want to be fit. Super fit. And healthy. And strong.

So I'm going back next week. And the next week. And eventually I will one of the stronger women in that class.

1 comment:

  1. I always hate the 1st time I try a new class; I feel all awkward and out of place. But I make it a point to stand in the front, near the teacher, where I can see & watch the mirror best. The kickboxing instructor on my Tuesday class noticed right away and has taken time to introduce herself and chat with me, and now it is my favorite, favorite workout of the week. You're doing great, keep it up!!