Tuesday, January 13, 2015


A recent discussion has me upset.  I know it wasn't anyone's intention to upset me.  They probably  have no idea I was upset.

But I was.

My husband posted a link on my Facebook page regarding fasting.  It's also been called the 5:2 Diet.  The diet is basically that for 2 days you fast.  The other days you eat your normal food and you will lose weight.  I think it's something about resetting your metabolism, or maybe detoxing.  I'm not entirely sure.  I haven't even read up on it.  His older brother started this diet and lost weight on it.  I don't know if his brother did it because he felt he needed to lose weight (he didn't) or if there was some other purpose.  But Bob has been mulling it over for awhile.  (I also don't think Bob needs to lose any weight either, so there's that).  But I have made it very clear that I am not at all interested.  My initial gut response when he first brought it up is that it is a crash type of diet.  Any time you dramatically slash your calories like that you are bound to lose some weight.  But can that weight loss be maintained if you ever return to semi regular eating habits?  Since I clearly cannot maintain eating 600 calories 1-2 days for the rest of my life this seems like a horrible idea.  Plus I have honestly messed with my metabolism so much with the eating disorder and all the previous crash diets I have been on that it will be amazing if it ever recovers at all.

I was annoyed that I already told Bob how I felt about it.  So I kind of feel like he isn't respecting my process or journey to keep on me about it.  And in all honesty, the more he pushes the more I dig my feet in.  But the entire discussion, if I'm being honest with myself, is upsetting because it makes me doubt myself.  I have come so far.  I have learned so much.  And my New Years Resolution has been to stop counting every single calorie (this does not mean a free for all, I know what whole and healthy foods I need) but to eat more intuitively.  I haven't every really learned how to listen to my body.  Eat when I'm really hungry and more importantly stop when I'm not.  I honestly think my penance for hating my body so intensely, the lesson I still haven't fully learned is how to trust myself....how to love and accept myself just as I am. 
So this conversation has gotten me all riled up.  Because I don't want to be on a diet ever ever ever again.  I'm really glad if it worked for you.  But it won't work for me.  Even if it does help me quickly shed some pounds.  I can't live like that anymore.

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