"Trust yourself." "Trust me." "Trust the process." "Trust your body." I don't know how many times he must have said words along those lines to me. Because I can talk myself out of anything. My inner dialogue was can't. Just about every workout, for a long time, I said "I can't." But after drilling it into my head that I could if I just trusted my body, it started to sink in. And I really did get to a place where I believed I could do just about any physical challenge in front of me. I may not nail it the first time around; but my body was capable of doing what I wanted it to do. I just needed to get out of my own way.
Which is why I got up on that Ninja course rock wall that had no harness. I just wanted to try. I trusted. But my body failed. My knee dislocated. It happened. I tried and I not only failed, I seriously hurt myself. And now I am struggling with rebuilding that trust within myself. Because I have to be careful so I don't re-injure myself...but I now have fear in the back of my mind.
Mike posted a workout on his facebook page. I immediately wrote it down and brought it to the gym ready to give it a go. It was a plyometric workout so lots of jumping. Box jumps were included in that. I knew that I may have to modify some of the moves to be safe. I even got the lowest box out and just did a step up to feel things out. The way down is where I felt pain. I sat there for a minute trying to decide if I was just afraid of hurting it or if I really needed to hold off. I tried one more. Same thing, pain on the way down. I decided it was my body telling me that I wasn't there yet.
So I did 3 sets of 20 with a minute in between of this:
Back squats (just with the bar- 45 pounds- I'm also starting at ground zero there too)
Upright rows (40 pounds)
Sumo Squats - no weight
Bicep curls- 40 pound
This was after a hill interval work out on the treadmill. My knee is a bit sore. Lots of squatting. I have ice on it. It was the right decision. I'm trying to rebuild, but I can't be stupid about it. I also can't be scared.
Scared didn't get me anywhere.