Tis the Season

These:

They are called Thumbprints and my Grandma used to make them every Christmas.  And they are my favorite cookies ever.  EVER.  And my mom now makes them every Christmas.  These cookies are complicated for me because not only are they the BEST COOKIE EVER (have I mentioned they're my favorite?) they remind me of my Grandmother. 

I haven't yet uploaded the recipe to find out the damage on these bad boys, but I walked into the kitchen last night and saw 5 butter wrappers discarded.  Oh no.  Somewhere in my mind I convinced myself that 2-3 a night if I trained really really hard would not do that much damage.  And maybe I'll plug it in to My Fitness Pal and still find that.  But something about those butter wrappers tells me that it will be even worse then I thought. 

I know life is all about balance.  But when it comes to sweets, I'm a little like a crack addict.  I don't balance it well at all.  One cookie turns into 10 cookies.  Almost every time.  In fact I have 3 last night.....before they were even done.  They are little and delicious and my mouth is watering just thinking about them. 

So there will be no cookies until Christmas Eve. Or at least, this is my goal.  At some point along my journey, my will was much more absolute.  I was a machine.  But stalled weight loss and not reaching my goal took a tole on me.  I started making calorie counting just as sick as the bulimia.  I obsessed.  In a really unhealthy manner.  So my challenge is now how to keep myself accountable without obsessing.  But I'm a crack addict.  Or a cookie addict.  Tomato or tomata really at this point, because they will both kill me early.  An addict's an addict. 

I can do this.  I just have to avoid the kitchen for 3 days. No biggy....

Making Choices

I made good choices yesterday.

Not perfect ones.  But good ones.

I had 2 Lindt white chocolate balls.  Because they are the best things ever and sitting at work staring at me.  But then I walked a mile and a half during my lunch break.  This started out at penance for the chocolate balls, but turned out to be a really helpful pick me up in the middle of the day.

Then I was running errands and STARVING.  I literally walked up to a donut shop that I saw while walking into another store.  I must have looked like a crazy person deciding whether or not to go in.  But I haven't had a donut since we moved from Minnesota.  Why would I pick up that splurge again?  Giving it up hasn't made an ounce of difference in my weight.  But it's been emotionally healthy for me not to indulge and then kill myself at the gym all in the name of donuts.

Then we went to Grant's Christmas concert where there was cake afterward.  Normally I would have a hard time focusing on anything else because I want cake!!  I asked Bob if he wanted to split a piece (they were small pieces in all fairness).  He left me more of the cake part because I'm not a frosting girl, and I took a bite deciding to consciously  enjoy my few bites of cake.  But it didn't taste good.  I don't know if it's the cake or if it's because I'm a bit pickier about my indulgences these days but I gave the rest to Grant.

I felt really proud of myself.  I wasn't perfect.  But I made some solid choices that I felt good about.  That's what it's all about right? Progress not perfection?