I did it.
I went to my alumni game. This has been a long time coming. I have been so afraid of this game, I have successfully avoided it for the past 13 years. Yep, that's commitment.
Back in the day I was alright. Not a superstar by any stretch of the imagination. But solid. I was solid. And then I hurt myself one too many times and had to come to terms with the fact that my career was over. I'd like to say I did this gracefully, but I didn't. I was devastated. Quitting lead me down a very dark path and I lost myself. I was a mess. A mess trying to pretend on the outside that I wasn't a mess. Which made me even messier.
When I started on my fitness journey, (I no longer refer to it as weight loss journey because it's so much more then just my weight- at least in my healthier moments,) I wasn't thinking about this game. I couldn't see that far ahead. But about a year ago, during some gruesome session with Mike, I began considering it. Maybe, just maybe I could play in this game. I said it out loud to Mike who, of course, started incorporating it into my training. About a month ago the old fear came back. "What if I get hurt?" "What if you don't?" he countered back. "But what if I do?" "But what if you DON'T? What if you have the time of your life?"
So I did it. And I got hurt. (rolled my ankle that I had injured a couple of weeks ago). But he was right. I had the time of my life. I saw my old teammates. I laughed. I tried my best. I think I did pretty well before I rolled it. After that let's just say I was playing more "zone" defense then man to man. And for a bit I was disappointed in myself. But that's the old me. The new me realizes that something bigger happened today. Did I play like I did when I was 17? No. Did I play as good as I wanted to? No. Did I get hurt? Yes. Did I fall? Yes. But I got back up. I didn't quit. And I had a blast. I conquered a fear. I healed a small piece of myself today.
Broke down the wall.
Next year will be even better!