They say that everyone has a weight that their body feels comfortable at. No extreme measures need to be taken to maintain it. I think my body thinks it has found that spot. But I'm not comfortable with it. I know that I have more body fat available then I should have. I know that there is even more then 10 pounds that I could lose and be at my optimal healthy weight.
I just can't get there.
It's maddening. Now don't get all worried about me. I am not depressed about it or particularly obsessed about it. I have moments of frustration and this is one of them. Because I fluctuate within 5 pounds of this number, going up a little bit if I'm more relaxed with my food. On the random occasions we go out to dinner or I take a few nights off from working out I can expect my number on the scale to go up a few pounds. It doesn't freak me out anymore. I know exactly what I need to do to get those few pounds back off and a week later they're gone. But no matter how spot on I am in my nutrition and food journaling, no matter how good I do with my zone training, or no matter how intense I work out for the week, I can never break my bottom number. I have been at a plateau at this number for about a year and a half now.
I have gone to the doctor to look at my thyroid numbers because I have some concerns that things are not functioning optimally in this area. And I have just about every symptom. (I won't go into all of them because some are TMI). I have realized that I need to go outside of traditional medicine for this because every. single. traditional doctor I have discussed this with has been extremely dismissive because my blood work numbers fall into the median set ranges. But they are all on the very low end. At one point I was working with a homeopathic doctor to address this and I felt immensely better. I stopped going to him when I started with the eating disorder because I could no longer explain the drastic weight loss or raised blood pressure or any other red flags that were popping up. But I realize that I need to explore a non traditional path again so I can so I can do everything I can do to make sure my body is functioning optimally, not just minimally.
I don't know if that is the key to losing this 10 pounds, or a bit more body fat. But I am hoping that I can feel better. Not so tired and fatigued all the time. In the mean time, I am going to continue to focus on my over all fitness, my new instructor goals, and all of the other measures of my continued movement in the right direction.
But they say the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. That's a bit how I feel every Wednesday when I get on the scale and see that same number staring back at me. Maybe it's time to step away from it...
